A Picture of Hurt and Hope
by taliesin1
Summary: SLASH: Between PoA and GoF Remus becomes restless and decides to tidy his flat. Something he finds triggers some memories and brings him a little hope.


Disclaimer: I do not own nor I am profiting from the use of the Harry Potter characters. Though if JKR ever lends them out sometime.  
  
Rating: PG to be safe.  
  
Authors Note: This is pretty sentimental and mushy. If you want real heart- wrenching angst, this isn't it. I wrote this while listening to two great songs Dido's 'Here With Me' and The Julianna Theory's 'Into the Dark'.  
  
  
  
A Picture of Hurt and Hope  
  
  
  
Remus was restless. It was a couple of days before the full moon and he just couldn't stand or sit still, he had to be busy, moving, doing something, doing anything. He had tidied his small flat, he had done his grocery shopping and he had even cleaned out his cupboards. There was only one thing left to do. He eyed is bookcase determinedly.  
  
Now, Remus loved books, treasured them, but this didn't mean that his bookcase was neat, far from it. While every book had a place and was well cared for there was no order to them, they were everywhere, and this of course was not to mention the books that lay over the small table that Remus kept not far from the bookshelf. Thing was, when Remus was searching for something, when he just had to find something out, he sort of forgot that the books had proper places and at many times placed them wherever he could, whether that be on a shelf, lying horizontally on top of the others or on the small table. Remus was never an obsessively neat person but it had got to the point where it was just frustrating, and he had the time. He took a deep breath and started to sort.  
  
An hour later he had made some progress, he was starting to see some sort of order, a vague sort of order but it was there and he was pleased with himself. He was just about to stop to get himself a well-deserved cup of tea when he noticed something sticking out of one of the books that had been revealed after his sorting. It looked like a photo, but Remus couldn't be sure. What would a photo be doing there? He had sorted out his photos, both wizarding and Muggle, when Hagrid had asked for photos for an album for Harry in his first year. An idea that he thought had been a very good one.  
  
He looked at the photo in the book in confusion. Why would this one still be here? Why was it sticking out of this book? Curiosity finally got the better of him and he reached for the small book. One look at the photo told him all he needed to know. He stared at it for a minute. He remembered.  
  
It had been about a year after James and Lily's death and he was just starting to sort his life out again after what had been a horrifying twelve months. He had decided he had to get out of England for a while, things were too hard here, too many memories. He had been sorting out some things in the flat, making preparations and such when he had found it in a bunch of letters from James and Lily. He had looked at it for a long time then, just as he was now and had placed it inside the nearest book and pushed the book to the back of the bookcase. He hadn't the heart to toss it away, or burn it, though he probably should have. He did however have to get rid of it and get it out of his sight. He had spent twelve months trying to get over something he knew it would be impossible to get over, he couldn't have any more reminders of what it had been like, of how happy they had been.  
  
He looked at it again, now after the truth had come out, after Sirius's escape and it still hurt. He hadn't believed his own mate, the only person who could make him as happy as he was in this picture. He had thought him capable of unspeakable deeds, of betraying two people he loved so much. Remus thought for a second on his own feelings, three people he loved so much. He screwed up his eyes, the events of those days were so difficult to contemplate, but so easy to see in his mind's eye, much too easy to see.  
  
He finally stood up from where he had been kneeling beside the bookcase, the photo still between his fingers and walked over to the kitchen. He boiled the jug with a flick of his wand and poured himself a cup of tea. A rich brown liquid contained in a chipped mug. He sat at the table and took a long sip. It seemed even tea couldn't soothe him right now.  
  
He looked at the photo again. He remembered it being taken. It had been a memorable day, weddings usually were. James and Lily's wedding had gone anything but smoothly, things had got wrong left right and centre but eventually the ceremony had happened and the happy couple were made man and wife. Remus would put that day down as being one of the happiest in his life to see two of his close friends, two people who loved each other so much, promise their love to one another in front of everyone else they loved. He had heard some people had similar hopes for another two friends of the couple's acquaintance. He had laughed that suggestion off until a couple of months later he had found two, what he assumed to be, platinum rings in a box. For someone who prided himself on his pranking ability Sirius couldn't hide something to save his life. Remus had never told him he had found them but when he had sorted through things much later they were gone. It was a mystery Remus had never solved.  
  
The photo it self was nothing special, well not to look at anyway. Following the ceremony James and Lily had whisked their wedding party to a lovely secluded grove nearby where they had taken photos, wizarding for their wizarding friends and Muggle for the people in Lily's family who found the idea of moving photos rather disconcerting. Once all the main ones had been done, including a rather memorable one of the four Marauders and Lily, Lily had insisted that they get one of Sirius and Remus. Remus had been about to object when he was faced with the patented Lily Evans death glare, hard green eyes had met amber and that had been that.  
  
Remus traced a finger over the picture only to have Sirius cheekily stick his tongue out at him and himself laugh, a happy laugh, a laugh he had not heard from himself in quite some time. Sirius stood with his arms around him, his hands clasped in front of Remus's waist. Oh how he remembered being held by those arms. They had been a place of safety from the outside world and he had felt like nothing could hurt him when they encircled him.  
  
They had all worn Muggle suits for the occasion, the thought being that official dress robes might make the Muggle guests uncomfortable. The photo had been taken only an hour after the ceremony but Sirius's tie was already loose and the top button of his shirt undone. He looked so damn good, his bright blue eyes sparkling and every so often leaning down and bestowing a small kiss to Remus's right temple. He was nearly unrecognisable as the same person that Remus had seen a few months before in the Shrieking Shack. While the war had been closing in and the figure of Voldermort had cast a darker and darker shadow over the wizarding world Sirius has still managed to keep some of his boyish charm, some of his mischievous nature. Remus had always admired that.  
  
Looking at the other figure in the photo, he even had trouble recognising himself. Wrapped up in Sirius's arms with his owns hands placed over those of his mates. He looked happy. Remus didn't think he had looked happy for a very long time. Well, except when he had seen Sirius in the Shack and had realised the truth, he had been happy then.  
  
The question in Remus's mind was of course, could they be happy again? Their time together had been all too brief but he thought he had seen something behind those Azkaabn-deadened eyes, felt something in Sirius's embrace. As much as he had tried to get rid of his feelings over the last twelve years the photo before him just reminded Remus how much he still loved him, how much he would always love him. He just hoped, in his heart of hearts, that Sirius still felt the same way. While they couldn't have it back the way it was, they still could have something special. There was still some hope.  
  
Remus rose from the table, and instead of placing the photo back inside the book he placed it on a shelf not far from the fire, a place he could see from nearly any part of the room. A reminder that while there was still hurt, there was also still hope, and that there was still love in the world, and that maybe some of that hope and love could find its way back to two old lovers. Two people that Remus Lupin hoped could find each other again. 


End file.
